Thursday, June 25, 2015

I Will Never Forget...




NabloPoMo Day 22

I will never forget... standing in that phone booth in my rollerblades with the pregnancy test in my pocket burning positive against my leg, listening to a complete stranger tell me that after taking the mystery pill there would be lots of bleeding and that it was no big deal. It took no more than ten minutes to make the decision to not get rid of you.

... the three joints I smoked that night in my dark and dingy room with the tiny window. Sitting cross-legged on my bed waiting for my sister friend to come and hug me for a while. 

...the conversation I had with him about how we did not need to get married and how he ran packing. You didn´t get his last name and that is the best thing I could have ever done.



... the crescent moon over the ocean when we took you home.

... how great I was during the teeny baby months. I never doubted or felt apprehensive about the black poop or the breastfeeding and pumping. 

... about how when you were a toddler I wanted to just be a daughter again and not really a mother and how guilty I felt. It was difficult to get you to sleep and I could never make you feel better when you had meltdowns.

... that I wasn´t around for your fifth birthday and how you wouldn´t talk to me on the phone but I knew you had eyesores that wouldn´t go away and your legs hurt all the time.

... all the early mornings to get you ready for the carpool to take you to primary school and how on your first time standing on a stage you froze and had to be ushered off. 

... watching you grow along with my twin sisters and seeing how wonderfully different you three are but still have the strongest connection possible.

... trying to bring you along on this crazy Asian adventure and watching you try for a year and a half. With sadness I let you go back to my sisters 

...and...

... I will never forget how happy you seem now and that soon you will be graduating high school and how you can sing and act on stage without a hitch and how much I love and miss you.


 Tuesday at Ten. I will never forget... Crazy Little Family Adventure




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