Things start going bad when I find myself standing at the window with that feeling of “I have nothing to do”, which is completely imaginary since there are so many activities I could partake in, creating, cleaning, cooking, adventuring, endless possibilities. But my mind takes me elsewhere, staring at the trees in the yard I feel like I need a joint. As soon as that thought is in my head, I´m done for and its all a rolling downhill battle from there.
I was trying to think of what it was that gave me joy.
Joy is such a big word it feels like something needs to be major for me to be happy enough to feel joyful about it. Joy is like the ultimate good feeling and I hardly ever feel that. If I do, the moment is fleeting and then it´s back to my grumpy depressed self.
I have ideas that I never make real
I have goals that I never accomplish
I have dreams that I never follow through
And then Small Kiddo gives me a hug attack and the world disappears.